< Culture >

Allahabad Girl Writes From America

Alas, US shall not be the way it was...

by Kavita Bali

Published by the Northern India Patrika Newspaper (September 17, 2001).

I am her in Palo Alto, and other than all the airports being shut down in the US, we are all fine. Today (Thursday), a precautionary measure has been taken by the federal Airline Association -- no international flights are allowed to land on US soil... hopefully this will be resolved by next week. I am listening to the news constantly.

Thanks for the email... I've been too shocked by the event to have the courage to call my friends in NYC. I am still having a difficult time believing it... When I watched the images on the television I thought it looked like a combination of the movie 'Independence Day', sounded like Orson Welles 'War of the Worlds' and the ash and smoke resembled Mount St. Helen's volcanic eruption... it's too amazing to fathom and I am having a hard time moving away from the TV... I have barely an appetite and am forcing myself to eat.

The news has been amazingly mature and sympathetic in it's coverage... perhaps it's that this is our main conduit of information... the goal has been to share information as quickly as possible with the audience, to appease a nation's soul.

Tuesday was shock, as we watched the horrifying repeated images of the planes from different angles blast into the twin towers; Wednesday was sadness, as we started to learn more about the real people who perished, the family stories started to be unveiled, and today; Thursday, we are seeing the beginnings of international coalition building and the planning stages of how this country will react...

Tuesday, September 11, 2001, I was in front of the TV all day and couldn't leave the apartment... yesterday (Wednesday) I managed to go to the grocery store to get my weekly groceries, and the air was rather still and extremely polite... there was a quietness and somber tone to people shopping for basic needs... You can sense the sadness that has engulfed the whole country... never have I seen such an extended period of quiet shock and sense of camaraderie.

The clerks were earnest and almost trying to exude a sense of cheer as much as is possible in such a situation... they were trying to smile away the somberness, extending their humanity through a simple gesture of connectedness.

Others I passed along the cereal aisle dealt with their emotions with greater solitude... much more stern and protective of the visualization of their emotions... for a moment I wondered if it was my skin coloring... then a moment later another woman passed and her smile seemed to acknowledge an understanding of my inability to communicate the sorrow felt for people I didn't even know... Tears swelled up as I picked up a bottle of salsa... a few minutes later, I dropped a bag of corn chips as I attempted to check the fat content on the back label... none of these things really mattered... at the check out, I remained a bit dazed yet acutely aware of those around me... Despite how different we are, at the end of the day, we truly are brothers and sisters living our lives as best as we can in a world constantly changing and serving up different challenges. This latest challenge to humanity is greater than anything else any in my generation have experienced... hopefully it shall never be surpassed in it's intensity and hatred of innocence.

I am happy to live in an area that I find to be a combination of intelligent and kind people... but this tragic event is just hard to comprehend when it is quietly sunny here in Northern California... The birds animated chirping is hauntingly vivid in the stillness of a normally busy afternoon. In the evenings, you can hear the military helicopters and the other government planes in the air... all airports have been completely shut down since Tuesday, and only today (Thursday) are some airports starting to open up with greater security, though when things will resume any semblance to normalcy is yet to be determined...

The US stock markets are shut down... 2, 3 straight days in a row... a first in US history... Major League Baseball has cancelled all games... not since D-day in the 1940's... All airports have been completely shut down... a first in US history... the twin towers have been vanquished... thousands of people have perished in the midst of a clear morning in New York City... Tuesday evening... surreal... clear skies... not a cloud... pink / lavender dusk... it would have been a beautiful Indian summer in Manhattan... instead we are shown the satellite image from outer space that insures that this was a day like no other... the smoke from the disaster has imprinted it's presence as it billows forth to the heavens... Alas, NYC will not be as it was... alas... the US shall not be the way it was... alas... we will not be the way we were...

The notion of our nation's freedom being slightly altered due to this incident is also a prevalent concept circulating our sunny skies. It is debated whether we have moved to another stage in this country's growth... my childhood's concept of normalcy... it is suggested it will be no more... greater safety through greater security... how much of our personal freedom have we to forgo to ensure the extinguishing of a petri dish environment of malicious subterfuge?

Retaliation, concepts laced with a determination and ' steadfastness of steel ', a unifying patriotism... these are also the aftermaths of Tuesday's terrible loss of human life... We are all absorbing what has taken place and waiting to see what is next... it is a sickening anticipation shrouded in a tired unbelievability.

I have many friends in NYC, but none who work in the financial world... but I know many who live in the lower Manhattan area... and I think I will try to find the courage to email them today... I just can't get myself to call, I guess I am fearful... It is hard to be so far away when you know so many being affected... I have lost sense of time, and then I feel I must do everyday normal things and move forward... but it keeps coming back to me on how tragic this is... I just can't believe the destruction and the thing that brings me close to tears is thinking of the people who just went to work like any other day... it is a sadness beyond words.

The few people we know very well, are safe and were miraculously not in the area. One of my good friends just left for vacation last week and another was visiting her family in upstate NY, another friend's father, who works in the World Trade Center, was late to work, and others that we know were not to go to work till 10am...

----

Published by the Northern India Patrika Newspaper (September 17, 2001). The newspaper is based in Allahabad, Uttar Pradesh, India.

This article was also reprinted by permission on the South Asian eZine TheSALA (South Asian Literature + Art)